Let's say Anno goes even more full on George Lucas and sells the Evangelion franchise to Disney.
What would the Re-Rebuild™ of Evangelion™ look like?
>Shinji is replaced with a hood nigga
>Rei is a mulato
>Asuka is a fiery brazillian chick
>Gendo is a blackman
>Misato is a black woman, as well.
Shinji (or rather, TrayTray) gets drunk and passes out at the local pub....and then he wakes up at a random hospital, looking at the ceiling. "..The fuck am I?" - he asks himself, while starting intensely at the ceiling. Here, Misato (Delofa) makes her entry and introduces TrayTray to KORAKKU. - a special organization which combats drug dealers in the neighbourhood.
He is then handed a metal bat (a relic; blessed by his father - used for ages to combat drug dealers by himself, but he is still unknown at this point). He meets up with Rei, and on the first day of the work, she gets injured. TrayTray feels weak and filled with remorse...
Shinji would be black.
a saga of bamboozlement
Imagine Dragons would do the theme which would be a wub wub version of Cruel Angel Thesis.
Misato would be Jewish and Kaji would be black. Gendo would be massively sexist and transphobic.
Last frame of the movie right here.
>>134834987
He continues doing the job alone for weeks, but the memory of Rei almost getting killed keeps repeating over and over in his head.
Here, he starts using LSD, sold to him by a random drug dealer who has been following him ever since he joined KORAKKU. Delofa notices TrayTray's strange behavior, and tracks down TrayTray on his way home. She notices a suspicious man, and gives him a call, warning him that this man is part of the Whites, messengers of the Man, destined to ruin the black people's lives. TrayTray realizes that he has been exploited, and proudly grabs the heavy, metal bat, waiting for the dealer to ring the doorbell. He rings. TrayTray charges at him right through the fucking door and hits both of his arms, then his back, then he passes out..
He then wakes up in the same hospital room where he first met Delofa... He asked the nurses what happened to him, and "where is Delofa?", but nobody answers him.
Tired, he returns to his home, but there he finds a bunch of people - called neighbourhood homies. They saw what happened the previous day - TrayTray had totally gone berserk at this drug dealer, he [sic] FUCKING FLATTENED HIS HEAD, DUDE! [/sic]...
Feeling lonely and betrayed by Delofa, he escapes in the nearby woods, together with an old nigga from his neigbourhood, fishing and hunting, trying to forget what happened...
>>134834987
FUND IT
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>>134834712
>ywn be anno
>>134835458
One night, at the campfire TrayTray and the old man had made, a strange, man comes and knocks out the ossan. He says "We're going to Mexico, TrayTray...and you're coming with us. You have a job to do...". He puts a bag over his head and puts TrayTray in the trunk. When he wakes up, he sees Delofa, a couple of men, and Rei, fully recovered. TrayTray, who was recently taught wisdom by the old man, apologises to Rei. Rei receives the apology (just like the original Rei). Rei and TrayTray are sent to Mexico on a helicopter, to help a local branch who has been fighting against the mexican drug cartel.
>>134835815
Does KORAKKU get fucked by the Man in EoE?
>>134835815
>which has been fighting*
The helicopter lands in a makeshift airport, 40 kilometers away from New Mexico. There, they meet this awesome chick with a "thick, fat ass" - Asuka, who is the leader of the Mexican branch. She briefs him about the man who she is trying to kill - Don OctaNiño, who has been sending drugs over all latin America and in the southern states of the US.
>>134835879
Yeah.And it's probably pretty gruesome.
>>134834995
No. Touji would be black and he'd have a relationship with Asuka.
It would be overly positive with no realism whatsoever.
>>134836114
"Dayum, how d'ya kno all dat"? asks TrayTray.
At the exact moment he asked that, a loud buzz in the distance can be heard. It's a tiny Cessna plane, which is probably gonna land in that airport. It lands, and a tiny, japanese man gets out of it.
"That's my man, Kaiji. He's been spying on the Cartel for months, and he's pretty high in their ranks. He knows where every single factory is."...
They go inside a tiny house, where Kaiji cooks up tempura, and Asuka makes some killer churrasco. TrayTray eats everything, to the delight of Kaji and Asuka, but Rei declines and opts out for a simple salad. Everybody is having
a good time and they're bonding.
The team eventually goes to sleep, each team in a separate room.
During the middle of the night, Asuka wakes up TrayTray and tells him to be quiet (ssh!). They lock themselves in the toilet room outside (it's really cramped!), with Asuka slowly teasing TrayTray. His dick gets aroused by the sight of being with a hot babe like her in such a cramped space. "I fucking love you, and I don't even know why! We just met earlier in the day! What kind of black magic is that!?"- says Asuka while slowly undressing, till she is left with nothing but her panties and bra. "Come on, boy, get naked!" TrayTray quickly undresses, and here we cut to the outside, only hearing Asuka and TrayTray's moans...
>>134837004
On the next morning, Asuka and TrayTray have found a deep respect for eachother, to the suprise of both their teams.
They both leave to take down some local factories in the morning (to test TrayTray's strength), and around 2 PM, they return, having completed the mission successfully.Fuck it, I'm tired...I can't go on anymore. Besides, I make for a shitty writer, since I have no continuity and I just ran out of ideas for what to do with this...
Good night, /a/
>>134834995
Shinji wil be a fat tumblrina.
What if he licensed Evangelion to the WWE?
>>134834987
>Asuka is fiery Brazillian chick
You mean Michelle Rodriguez?
>>134834987
But Asuka is already Syrian.
Disney would never allow the ending to exist and would tone down the more derivative existentialism.
Which would basically turn Evangelion into Pacific Rim.
>>134840690
Better than Rebuild.
>>134838216
Has a wrestler ever masturbated on another in the ring before?
